Knocked Up

Well, I've gone and done it. I've gotten myself knocked up. Okay, so I guess I didn't do it all by myself. I have my husband to thank for at least half of that forbidden dance. But I am definitely knocked up. SO knocked up, in fact, that I am about to drop this oven baby in less than a month. If my calculated due date is anywhere near on track, my baby boy (the real kind, not the "I love you Jody!" kind) will be here in TWENTY-FOUR DAYS. It's just mind blowing, really. Anyway, so that pretty much sums up why I haven't blogged in what seems like a lifetime. Because it has in fact been a lifetime ... or at least the beginning of one. I'm sure you've already forgiven me for my less than prolific history, so I won't waste time by apologizing for something that I'm really not all that sorry for.

I'm not quite sure why I decided that today would be the perfect time to catch you up on all things housewife, but here I am. Here's the short version (I'd give you the long version, but it would require at least one cocktail, which I am obviously not able to enjoy currently. So if I suffer, you suffer.):  I got pregnant. I got a job working for a certain NPO that will go unnamed. I hated said job because of a certain possibly bi-polar boss, who will also go unnamed. I quit that godawful, stress inducing, soul-sucking job one Friday after about three months of my patience and sanity being tested DAILY. Side note, that was possibly the single most irresponsible thing that I have ever done in my adult life ... well, at least that I would share with you (without the above-mentioned prerequisite cocktail(s). Moving on, I have since become a reality television addict (the first step is admitting that I have a problem, right?), a professional pregnant chick who sits on the couch with her feet up, and an overall complainer. I'm multitalented.

I won't overwhelm you with the details of all of my complaints.  Just think along the lines of EVERYTHING. You'd be so amazed how many obscure symptoms and random things there are to complain about whilst being pregnant (much to the hubs' chagrin). There's an endless supply of weird things that could either be attributed to pregnancy, or some sort of life-threatening illness that could claim your life at any time. By the way, if you do happen to find yourself preggers, I don't recommend pulling up the old WebMD every time you suffer a new symptom. That website will have you self-diagnosed with ebola with a nice side of anthrax and sarcoidosis. (Did you know that House reruns are on ALL of the time on USA?? It's true. Trust me ... I know.)

Anyhoo, if I'm tired of writing, you are surely tired of reading, so I'll leave you with a picture of my burgeoning belly. It's big. Large and in charge. But that's another topic for another day!

xo

It's Groundhog Day!

Happy Groundhog Day, peeps! That pesky Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow again, so it looks like Old Man Winter just can't get enough of us ... probably because it's been unseasonably warm, and he doesn't want La Niña to steal his shine. I feel it necessary to point out that since his [great-grandfather's] first prediction in 1887, Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow 99 times, signaling six more weeks of winter. Phil has only predicted the end of winter 16 times in history. Seems to me that maybe that is an indication that the groundhog malarkey is, well, hogwash.

Since the whole Groundhog Day thing is [possibly] just a farce (that continues, no doubt, just to keep that portly man in the top hat happy), I'm going to forget that it is whatever holiday that makes you live your day over and over again, and direct the focus back to Black History Month. It is, after all, the shortest month of the year (although this year, we get an extra day due to the leap year), so why should we have to share it with a stinking rodent that doesn't give a crap about his shadow OR winter? Let's move on.

Fun-filled fact of the day: On February 2, 1990, President De Klerk of South Africa lifted the 30-year ban on the African National Congress (ANC), the nation's leading anti-apartheid group. Additionally, he announced that the group's leader, Nelson Mandela, would be released from prison after 27 years. I know that Black History Month is an American thing, but this group - its principles, its opposition and its success, are something to be celebrated. So, I ask this of you:  today, instead of complaining about the six more [unseasonably warm and temperate] weeks of winter, let's all take a moment to be thankful for our freedom. Which is really perfect, because we all probably managed to overlook National Freedom Day yesterday! Ta-ta for now, my lovelies. Enjoy your day ... and your freedom. Peace and love!

This is the Dawning of the Age of Apocalypse!

Okay, now that we've gotten the responsible resolution conversation out of the way, let's address the whole "world's gonna end on December 21, 2012 because those darn Mayans' 'long count' just wasn't quite long enough," thing, shall we? You didn't think I would just glaze over the Mayan calendar, did you? How could you? In case you're not up-to-date (or you live under a rock, in which case, you might actually be fairly safe), apparently the world will end on December 21, 2012. Gosh, that sounds ominous. It really gives you something to look forward to, doesn't it?

"The world will end on December 21, 2012." 

Sheesh. What a buzz kill. Allegedly this isn't supposed to be like that "Rapture" malarky; this might actually really happen. You might want to mark that date on your calendars, just in case ... it could be rather important. For your convenience, please see below for a countdown. This should help to ensure that you are appropriately prepared (both physically and mentally), for the upcoming end of days.


Now you never have to ask, "When is the world ending, again?"
Now that we know when we should expect to meet our demise, let's talk about how we will meet our demise. There are several countless different theories regarding what will happen when December 21 rolls around. Some people think that the world will just cease to exist. (Does that happen? I mean in the non-religious sense. Obviously, God, or whichever higher power you believe in can cause things to randomly just cease to exist. (If you believe in such things at all - I can't exclude anybody because of their belief system; that would be closed-minded and judgmental, which I am not. Such exclusions are frankly deplorable.) But do things just randomly cease to exist on their own? Does the earth have an expiration date? Does mankind have an expiration date?
Me, personally? I think that if December 21 really is going to be the end of the world as we know it, that it will be a more gradual process. I picture it a lot like The Day After Tomorrow, with crazy extreme weather (a little like what we've been experiencing here in the past couple of years...) that we're just not equipped to handle, so our existence just kind of fades away) ... and maybe zombies. The zombie part is probably just my overactive imagination, but it would add a little bit of spice to the whole "the world is ending" thing, wouldn't it? Just imagine if we had to fight our way through mountains of snow, or dodge tornadoes and tidal waves ... all whilst fighting off flesh-eating zombies.*
...you don't really think there will be zombies, do you...?  

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I think it could go either way. Uh oh. This apocalypse just got real. Because I love my readers, and I want you to be as safe as possible if the world does indeed end in December, I have included a couple of links to the CDC, so you can make sure you have all of the supplies necessary to survive the apocalypse.**

Here is all of the info (including more links) that you will need relating to emergency preparedness and response. You don't have to wait until the end of days to access this information, you know. It's surprisingly useful in hurricanes, too.
Now, for those of you concerned about the zombies, you should still click the link above to be prepared for the apocalypse itself, but you might want to check this out, too. Just in the the interest of self-preservation, you know? (You call it an overactive imagination; I call it being prepared. How different is a zombie from a cannibal, really? We all know that when the going gets tough, and people get hungry ... they will eat you. It happens. Have you seen the movie Alive? Stuff got real, and people got eaten. It can't hurt to be ready when they come for you.)
Well, that concludes today's conversation about the end of the world. I hope you now feel well-informed and prepared for what may be to come ... but don't dwell on the thought of our possible extinction. Just make sure to have lots of water on hand, and live life to its fullest! Because let's face facts: we're all mortal. We could cease to exist on any given day ...not just on December 21, 2012. Live, laugh and love like every day is your last.

*I'm sure you're thinking it ... no, I am not British. I realize that Americans don't really say the word "whilst," but I like it. I use it in every day conversation. It sounds so cultured. Chock that up to blogger's license ... again. The world is ending in less than a year, remember? I do what I want. 
**Hmmm. I'm not exactly sure how this whole apocalypse thing works. Can proper preparedness really lead to preservation? If I have a sufficient amount of drinking water and a bomb shelter, might I make it through the rubble to see 2013? Or will I just spend all of my money stocking up on gallons of water and building said bomb shelter, only to spontaneously implode at midnight on December 21? Also, I feel as though December 21 is very vague. December 21, at what time? And in what time zone? Will each respective time zone cease to exist as the clock strikes midnight there? This is really a lot to think about. I'm tired already.

2011: The Year in Review

Happy New Year!! Greetings from 2012, my pets! It appears as though we made it through 2011 relatively unscathed ... but what a year it was! According to the Yahoo! 2011 Year in Review, there was such a wealth of noteworthy news that 2011 had to be broken down into ten different categories. I'm going to dedicate this post to consolidating those ten categories into one list of 10 major events ... and heeeeere we go...

The Year 2011 in Review

1. We Got Some "Signs of the Times..."

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January 1 - Residents of Beebe, Arkansas got an unpleasant surprise when they awoke to at least 1,000 red-winged blackbird carcasses strewn about their city. There was no shortage of theories about the birds' demise. Possible causes ranged from mass poisoning (ruled out), stress from the New Year's fireworks celebrations, and of course, the obligatory  claims of the dawning apocalypse. This incident sparked a rash of sudden animal deaths reported around the world. A few days later, another 500 blackbirds were found dead in Baton Rouge, LA, and then the story went international; Sweden reported dozens of birds falling out of the sky. But the deaths didn't stop with the blackbirds; millions of fish carcasses started mysteriously floating to the surface in various waterways. The Chesapeake Bay reported about two million fish were estimated dead in the area, and around 40,000 crabs died on the coast of Kent in Britain. The mystery of the sudden animal deaths remains unsolved today.

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December 31 - Beebe residents rang in the 2012 New Year with dead blackbirds falling from the sky AGAIN. Coincidence? Further indication of the accuracy of the Mayan calendar predictions and the impending apocalypse? Or perhaps solid evidence that fireworks and blackbirds do not mix. (...and all of the dead sea creatures were just a fluke. No big deal. Nothing to see here, folks.)

According to The Huffington Post:

"Scientists say the loud cracks and booms from celebratory fireworks likely sent the birds into such a tizzy that they crashed into homes, cars and each other before plummeting to their deaths last New Year's Eve. The birds landed on roofs, sidewalks, streets and fields. One struck a woman walking her dog. Another hit a police cruiser."

Police in Beebe were prompted to ban fireworks after dozens of the birds were found dead one year after the original incident. I guess we'll have to see what happens on New Year's next year... if we make it that far. Now I'm not all that superstitious, but all things considered, maybe we should just take this one day at a time instead of anxiously awaiting the 2013 New Year's festivus of falling fowl. I'm not even sure blackbirds can be considered fowl, but I'm a sucker for alliteration. Let's move on.

2. An Island Nation Got ROCKED... 

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March 11 - The Tohoku region of Japan was devastated by an 8.9-magnitude earthquake that caused monstrous waves measuring up to 30 feet in height and sweeping as far as 6 miles inland. The country was ill-prepared for the devastation that followed. Almost 16,000 people died, and nearly 5,000 disappeared in the fires and tsunami - this catastrophic event produced the highest number of casualties that Japan has experienced since World War II.

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3. Prince Charming Got the Girl... 

April 29 - Prince William married his longtime sweetheart, [commoner] Catherine Middleton, in an awe-inspiring service at Westminster Abbey that captured the attention of the world. 1,900 people were in attendance, and millions of others crowded the streets surrounding the abbey, hoping for a glimpse of the newlyweds. (And let's not forget the millions of Americans that woke up in the wee hours of the morning to tune in on their television sets ... oh, who am I kidding? That's what dvr is for, am I right?) Princess Kate's engagement ring was none other than the stunning sapphire beauty worn by Princess Diana in 1981. Her Royal Highness (so fancy!) chose a lovely, demure, satin and lace gown by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen.    

 

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4. We Got the Bad Guy... 
May 11 - At 11:35 p.m. ET, President Obama held a live news conference from the White House. It was during this special broadcast that he stated to the world, "Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al-Qaida and a terrorist who's responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children." 

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5. A Mother Got Away With Murder... 

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July 5 - After an almost three-year-long ordeal, and less than eleven hours of deliberation, the jury in the Casey Anthony trial read the verdict heard 'round the world (okay, maybe just the country). Casey Anthony was found not guilty of the first degree murder and aggravated abuse of her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee. She was, however, convicted on four counts of providing false information to law enforcement officers. Much like the O.J. Simpson verdict of 1995, the jury's decision was met with a wave of shock and disbelief. The case gained notoriety because of the hauntingly sweet and innocent image of Caylee Anthony, but also because of the seemingly endless incongruity of Casey's ever-changing story. The trial was much like the search for Caylee itself, filled with Casey's less-than-half truths, evidence of her obvious negligence, and the pathetic attempts of her overindulgent mother, willing to forego justice for her granddaughter in order to preserve the existence of her pathologically selfish daughter. Whether or not she killed poor little Caylee is still a matter of water cooler debate, but thanks to lack of physical evidence and the perhaps overzealous efforts of the prosecutor, Casey Anthony is a free woman.

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6. NASA got Shut Down...
July 21 - The space shuttle Atlantis returned to Kennedy Space Center from its final voyage, mission Space Transportation System-135. The conclusion of this mission marked the end of a thirty-year shuttle program. The shuttle era will forever be haunted by the Challenger and Columbia tragedies; however, it will also be remembered for its many accomplishments. Over its thirty year duration, the program's fleet of five shuttles built the largest structure in space (the International Space Station) and transported astronauts to and from it. Shuttle crews also repaired the space station, captured wayward satellites, launched the Hubble Space Telescope, and conducted numerous scientific experiments. The overall cost of the program is estimated to have been $209 billion. Although the NASA program is no longer operating, it will forever remain in our hearts.

7. The Nation Got Occupied...

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September 17 - 2011 became the year of the underdog when protesters took to the streets for the Occupy Wall Street movement. The movement was not limited to Wall Street; diverse groups of "Occupiers" could be found nationwide, proclaiming, "We are the 99%!" Occupy Wall Street originally began as a peaceful protest against the "privileged 1%," the select individuals that own 40% of global wealth. However, the movement quickly snowballed into an all-encompassing platform for the disenfranchised to express their disdain and displeasure regarding the inequities found in society, and in their own personal lives.

8. Cancer Got the Better (Not the Best) of a Brilliant Visionary...

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October 5 - Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple, lost his 8-year battle with pancreatic cancer; he was just 56.  The world mourned the loss of him and his creative genius with an outpouring of emotion, a large portion of which was expressed using one of the very devices that Jobs himself helped to create - the iPhone. He was a technical pioneer, responsible for not only the iPhone, but other monumental contributions such as one of the first commercially successful lines of personal computers (the Apple II series), the built-in ethernet port, and Pixar Animation Studios. (Jobs was a co-founder; he was also credited as Executive Producer for Toy Story, the movie that put Pixar on the map.) Although his flame was snuffed out much too soon, he made such an impact in the time that he was here by revolutionizing music, movies, computers, and interpersonal communication. His memory will live on forever within his visions and innovations.

9. Two Dictators Got Inducted Into the 69 Club...**
October 20 - After 40+ years of reigning over Libya with terror and bloodshed, Dictator Moammar Gadhafi was killed and put on display for his countrymen to see; he was 69 years old. After his death, Libya ended its seven-month civil war, and now faces the arduous task of rebuilding a nation without resorting back to the deplorable tactics used by the former leader.

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December 17 - North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il died of a heart attack; he was also 69 years old. His death marked the end of his seventeen-year stint as the Supreme Leader of North Korea. Kim Jong-Il was succeeded by his son, Kim Jong-Un, and the question still remains whether the new leadership regime will allow for improved relations between North and South Korea.

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9.5. The Fairy Tale Got Scary...
October 31 - On Halloween, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kris Humphries after a [not-so] shocking, measly, seventy-two days. The cost of the extravagant nuptials was said to total somewhere aroun $10 to 30 million. Luckily [for Kim], the couple had a prenuptial agreement. KK plans to keep her engagement ring (to which she is entitled, if she chooses to reimburse Hump for the full purchase price), which is rumored to be valued at $2 million. The couple's split invigorated the rumor mill, inspiring people of all walks of life to debate whether the wedding was a desperate ploy for publicity, or KK and Hump were just married too quickly. Whatever the truth may be, it's pretty obvious that this union was doomed  from the start. I guess Kris just couldn't Keep Up With the Kardashians.

10. We [Finally] Got the Hell Outta Dodge...
December 15 - After almost nine years, the United States formally declared the end of the War in Iraq. The war leaves us with many scars, both physical and mental. Almost 4,500 Americans lost their lives in the war effort, and about 30,000 were left wounded. About 4,000 troops remained in Iraq after the declaration, but they were expected to return home just in time to ring in the New Year with their loved ones. President Obama stated that the United States government plans to continue to provide economic and military help to Iraq in the days to come.



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...and there you have it, folks. That concludes my own personal account of the the top ten (and a half) key events of 2011. Hopefully you enjoyed my rundown (and hopefully you understand that I don't mean to trivialize any other events of 2011; these are just a few of the highlights). Again, Happy New Year! I leave you with well wishes for you and yours throughout the year of 2012 (and for many more to come if we get past that pesky Mayan calendar).

Peace and Love!

*Of course, I looked up fowl to determine whether or not I used it properly. What, you thought I wouldn't? I can't stand not knowing! ...and I did ... get it right, that is. 
** Yeah, I made that up. You know, like the 27 club ... only much, much older. I can't honestly say in good conscience that an uncanny amount of fairly famous people have died at the age of 69 ... but who's to say it's not true? I just found it an odd coincidence  that two crazy dictators died in 2011 at the ripe age of 69. Call it blogger's license.